Re: [MLUG - DISCUSSION] computer haiku

[Nathan Odle <EMAIL:PROTECTED>]

In all my research into haiku, I've read more than once that the 5-7-5 
isn't nearly as important as the 'turn'...in fact it seems that some 
solid traditional haikus have broken the syllable rule, but have been 
accepted due to the other stylistic criteria.

-N

Jonathan King wrote:

>OK, skip this if you aren't really into haiku or poetics.  Sorry, 
>but I can't stop myself here. :-)
>
>On Thu, 4 Dec 2003, Mikhail Kovalenko wrote:
>
>  
>
>>Mike Miller wrote:
>>    
>>
>>>>>Three things are certain:
>>>>>Death, taxes and lost data.
>>>>>Guess which has occurred.
>>>>>          
>>>>>
>>>That one actually got me to laugh out loud because the last line took me
>>>by surprise.  It's a good one!
>>>      
>>>
>>Here's a haiku I wrote some time ago to post on the locked office doors 
>>during staff meetings:
>>
>>Desolate buildings
>>Tumbleweed roams freely
>>Meeting in progress
>>    
>>
>
>OK, so now I get to prove to you all that I was in fact an 
>English major back in the day.  While there is nothing wrong 
>with either of these short verses, I'm pretty sure the second would 
>not pass muster as being a classically correct haiku, although the 
>first just might.  
>
>In addition to the well-known requirements that a haiku have:
>
>1) 5 syllables in the first line
>2) 7 syllables in the second line
>3) 5 syllables in the third line
>4) no other syllables or lines
>
>There are some other less well-known requirements.  Two of these are 
>metrical or linguistic:
>
>5) a haiku really should include a strong "cutting" point that 
>   divides the verse into two parts.  Usually this cutpoint occurs
>   at the end of the first or second line.
>
>6) every haiku must contain a "season word" which indicates the time 
>   of year in which the haiku is set.  There are obvious season 
>   words like "spring", less obvious ones like "cherry blossoms" or 
>   "mosquitoes" and some truly unobvious ones.
>
>Now, if that wasn't enough, it is also the case that there are some 
>desirable thematic requirements, namely:
>
>7) Haiku is "truer" if there is no central point of interest in it; 
>   a point is to capture a whole scene, or freeze a moment in time.
>
>8) Haiku is best when it captures a poet's first impression of a 
>   scene from daily life which become "new" because of the way in
>   which the moment is captured.
>
>I think these rules and distinctions are more than sheer pedantry as
>a *really* excruciatingly correct and clever haiku is pretty 
>amazing.  So let's look closely at our contenders:
>
>   Three things are certain:
>   Death, taxes and lost data.
>   Guess which has occurred.
>
>Here we get full point for rules 1-4, and a passing grade for rule 5 
>(the cut).  This verse has two cut points but the second one is 
>*way* stronger.  On the season word front, things are a bit 
>trickier.  In our culture, I think you could argue that death and 
>taxes are both appropriate season words, but they point to different 
>seasons, which is problematic.  For rules 7 and 8, I think we're 
>doing basically fine on 7 (no central interest point), and 
>passably on 8 (the issue there being that lost data is a recurrent 
>and timeless event rather than a specific event in time).  For all 
>that, though, I think we can find this one worthy.
>
>And now Mikhail's:
>
>   Desolate buildings
>   Tumbleweed roams freely
>   Meeting in progress
>
>The show-stopper here is that line two is a syllable short.  
>Another point is that there is no single "cut" that one could point
>to (the 3 lines all seem equally independent).  I would count
>"tumbleweed"  as a season word myself, and I think this passes all
>other rules acceptably once we realize that the specific genres of
>"computer haiku" or "office haiku" contain the secret irony that
>there *are* no seasons in those forms of daily life, and that every
>moment you freeze into haiku could have happened almost anytime or
>anywhere.
>
>Anyway, I think the following slight modification to Mikhail's 
>version would make it haiku:
>
>   Desolate buildings
>   Where tumbleweed roams freely:
>   Meeting in progress.
>
>Now it's 5-7-5 and has a single strong cut.  Obviously, there are 
>many other ways this could have been achieved, but this one works.
>
>jking
>
>
>
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>


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